This cannot be happening. It has to be a mistake.

That was what kept going through my head over and over and over again as I read this sentence in an email I received from Stephen's commander, "It is my hope that the information included will assist you during the upcoming deployment of your soldier as a part of the Operation Enduring Freedom." Deployment? Did I read that correctly? I reread it again and again. My heart felt like it stopped and my entire body went numb. As I walked upstairs, I prayed Stephen would tell me this was a mistake, but in my heart, I knew it wasn't. With tears in my eyes, I asked him, "Are you going to be deployed?" and in an instant, with his sad answer, all of the happiness that has surrounded us since his homecoming dissipated. Stephen has known since we arrived here, in Ft. Hood, that he was going to be deployed. Why was I just now finding out about this? Knowing that he kept this inside and knowing he wanted to tell me day after day just breaks my heart. How could he carry this burden for two months? My sweet husband. He was trying to not break my heart for as long as he possibly could. I keep thinking of our precious children and how this is going to impact them. We always want to do what is best for Eli and Bella. Stephen being away from them is definitely not the best for them, or for us as a family, but we have no control over this. I feel helpless, but I also know that children are resilient. I thank God for that.

If there is one thing I have learned from being an "Army wife" it is that change is constant. Stephen will be leaving in July, so that leaves plenty of time for something to change. Right? If this does not change, Eli, Bella, and I will once again move to Huntsville while Stephen is away. Until then, we will enjoy this time we have together, here and now.